“Don’t eat sick or dead animals.”- Nigerian radio
So…live animals. Got it. And people ask why I didn’t bring Macaroni-Dawg here with me.
The program’s topic suddenly changed from dead animals to plastic surgery. Now, I want to say, right now, that I understand that people are very protective of their country. National patriotism and whatnot. I get that. I’m an American… and a “Texan”… I get overly involved nationalism. So I never intend to insult Nigerians, in any way.
With that being said.
When I order food here and have to make a deviation from the menu, in any way, there’s a 92.6% chance that my special order will come out more jacked-up than the original version.
“Ok, I would like the burger, well done. Well done… No pink. No red. I also don’t want the fried egg. No fried egg. No egg.” (Burgers here come with a fried egg on top. Why? I have no idea.)
And my sandwich arrives with scrambled eggs and rosé sauce with artichokes. So generally, I just suck it up and eat whatever shows up, regardless of the deviation from the original description. Salad without lettuce. It’s been done.
Plastic surgery in Nigeria?
“Yes, I would like you to change my nose. I would like a cute little up-turned nose.”
(By the way, there are 14 types of Anglo noses. Mine is a Princess Kate variety. I don’t know why I feel smug about that.)
“Your nose. Yes madame.”
And even if pictures are involved and promises and affirmations and possibly a shaman and he pinky swears to do what I want:
Perhaps I’ll stick to the Nigerian chemical peel: the hotel pool.
(Oh, I TOTALLY forgot…or I blocked it. These doctors are able to do, erm, vagina reconstruction surgeries. The male doctor said that a lot of women complain that after a few kids, thing, er, change um there. And the women find that the men start to stray. This doctor (Once again, he’s a man) wholeheartedly believes that it’s a woman’s duty to do whatever she can to keep her man happy. And if this happiness is dependent on a nip and tuck of the :mumbles: vaginal area, then the woman absolutely should do it. Did I mentioned it tends to be fairly misogynistic here? But, what do I know? I’m just a woman.)
What’s your best “this is not what I was expecting” story?? Double points if you win the
worst best story.
Like this post (Scroll down- see that little like buttony thing? Yeah, that one) and comment below and I’ll send you a prize!
P.S- I really won’t send you a prize- I’m a damn liar. I live in Nigeria. You should send me stuff. But still, like the post if you’re on Facebook (I know you are) and comment below.