Dead animal plastic surgery

“Don’t eat sick or dead animals.”- Nigerian radio

So…live animals. Got it.  And people ask why I didn’t bring Macaroni-Dawg here with me.

The program’s topic suddenly changed from dead animals to plastic surgery.  Now, I want to say, right now, that I understand that people are very protective of their country. National patriotism and whatnot. I get that.  I’m an American… and a “Texan”… I get overly involved nationalism.  So I never intend to insult Nigerians, in any way.

However.

With that being said.

When I order food here and have to make a deviation from the menu, in any way, there’s a 92.6% chance that my special order will come out more jacked-up than the original version.

“Ok, I would like the burger, well done. Well done… No pink. No red.  I also don’t want the fried egg. No fried  egg. No egg.” (Burgers here come with a fried egg on top. Why? I have no idea.)

And my sandwich arrives with scrambled eggs and rosé sauce with artichokes. So generally, I just suck it up and eat whatever shows up, regardless of the deviation from the original description. Salad without lettuce. It’s been done.

Plastic surgery in Nigeria?

“Yes, I would like you to change my nose. I would like a cute little up-turned nose.”

(By the way, there are 14 types of Anglo noses. Mine is a Princess Kate variety. I don’t know why I feel smug about that.)

“Your nose. Yes madame.”

And even if pictures are involved and promises and affirmations and possibly a shaman and he pinky swears to do what I want:

Madam, you like?      Photo credit:coughingonpopcorn.com

Perhaps I’ll stick to the Nigerian chemical peel: the hotel pool.

(Oh, I TOTALLY forgot…or I blocked it. These doctors are able to do, erm, vagina reconstruction surgeries.  The male doctor said that a lot of women complain that after a few kids, thing, er, change um there.  And the women find that the men start to stray.  This doctor (Once again, he’s a man) wholeheartedly believes that it’s a woman’s duty to do whatever she can to keep her man happy.  And if this happiness is dependent on a nip and tuck of the :mumbles: vaginal area, then the woman absolutely should do it. Did I mentioned it tends to be fairly misogynistic here? But, what do I know? I’m just a woman.)

What’s your best “this is not what I was expecting” story?? Double points if you win the worst best story.

Like this post (Scroll down- see that little like buttony thing? Yeah, that one) and comment below and I’ll send you a prize!

P.S- I really won’t send you a prize- I’m a damn liar. I live in Nigeria. You should send me stuff.  But still, like the post if you’re on Facebook (I know you are) and comment below.