Dead animal plastic surgery

“Don’t eat sick or dead animals.”- Nigerian radio

So…live animals. Got it.  And people ask why I didn’t bring Macaroni-Dawg here with me.

 

The program’s topic suddenly changed from dead animals to plastic surgery.  Now, I want to say, right now, that I understand that people are very protective of their country. National patriotism and whatnot. I get that.  I’m an American… and a “Texan”… I get overly involved nationalism.  So I never intend to insult Nigerians, in any way.

However.

With that being said.

When I order food here and have to make a deviation from the menu, in any way, there’s a 92.6% chance that my special order will come out more jacked-up than the original version.

“Ok, I would like the burger, well done. Well done… No pink. No red.  I also don’t want the fried egg. No fried  egg. No egg.” (Burgers here come with a fried egg on top. Why? I have no idea.)

And my sandwich arrives with scrambled eggs and rosé sauce with artichokes. So generally, I just suck it up and eat whatever shows up, regardless of the deviation from the original description. Salad without lettuce. It’s been done.

 

Plastic surgery in Nigeria?

“Yes, I would like you to change my nose. I would like a cute little up-turned nose.”

(By the way, there are 14 types of Anglo noses. Mine is a Princess Kate variety. I don’t know why I feel smug about that.)

“Your nose. Yes madame.”

And even if pictures are involved and promises and affirmations and possibly a shaman and he pinky swears to do what I want:

Madam, you like?

Madam, you like?      Photo credit:coughingonpopcorn.com

 

 

Perhaps I’ll stick to the Nigerian chemical peel: the hotel pool.

(Oh, I TOTALLY forgot…or I blocked it. These doctors are able to do, erm, vagina reconstruction surgeries.  The male doctor said that a lot of women complain that after a few kids, thing, er, change um there.  And the women find that the men start to stray.  This doctor (Once again, he’s a man) wholeheartedly believes that it’s a woman’s duty to do whatever she can to keep her man happy.  And if this happiness is dependent on a nip and tuck of the :mumbles: vaginal area, then the woman absolutely should do it. Did I mentioned it tends to be fairly misogynistic here? But, what do I know? I’m just a woman.)

 

What’s your best “this is not what I was expecting” story?? Double points if you win the worst best story.

 

Like this post (Scroll down- see that little like buttony thing? Yeah, that one) and comment below and I’ll send you a prize!

 

P.S- I really won’t send you a prize- I’m a damn liar. I live in Nigeria. You should send me stuff.  But still, like the post if you’re on Facebook (I know you are) and comment below.

 

 

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Dead animal plastic surgery

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *