Top Ten Reasons Why Raptor Day Would Suck Part 2

If you recall, I wrote a post on May 20th, 2011 about why it would suck if the Raptor happened. You can find that post here Raptor Day Part 1 (scroll down- sorry, I have the technical skills of a chinchilla) .  Seeing as the Mayans have elicited worldwide panic by being a bunch of jerks and deciding that 12/21/12 is a really good idea to freak people the eff’ out by ending their calendar.  Knowing that a large majority of people tend to be a bit simple, I can only imagine what is going to happen today.  This is my new Why Raptor Day Would Suck Part 2:

10.  I don’t know how The Raptor deals with time zones, but I think that I would be obliterated seven hours ahead of the rest of the folks in the U.S. That’s decidedly not fair!

9.  If The Raptor starts by picking people out of a crowd, I totally can’t blend in here. Again, just not fair.

8. I dragged Christmas presents halfway around the world for The Hubs and he won’t get to enjoy the bedraggled, mile-worn presents or the surprises that will be discovered in his stocking, as they will be purely Nigerian products.

7. I’m pretty certain that Sallie Frackin’ Mae will follow me to the afterlife and I’m not sure what the interest rates will be, considering location charges, shipping and handling- including extensive mile overages, and the Apocalypse surcharges.

6. Still can’t French braid my own hair. Life goal unattained.

5. If things like no electricity and hellacious heat are indicators of The Raptor’s descent, I may not notice any difference.

4. Still haven’t reached the weight on my driver’s license

3.  Do I get to be a librarian in the after life if I haven’t completed my degree? Is there a provisional degree program that I can use?

2. Considering how many people are here in Lagos, I bet the lines to The Great Beyond are going to be downright unbearable. Can we use air-miles for an upgrade?

1. There are so, so, so many books that I haven’t read yet. I’ll bring them with me. Is there a baggage limit for The Raptor Day?

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