Step Class Made Me Cry

Have you ever tried to learn a second language? I’ve attempted a few and while I may have vaguely mastered English, I never succeeded in any other tongues. But, I do remember the feeling where you know a few words and phrases, but there’s a delay in getting your new words translated into your old language and then to your brain.  Ya dig?

Well, I rejoined LA Fitness last week, mainly because married life is making roly-poly and that makes me sad. I live a constant battle between my love of food (oh I do so love food) and my desire to always be able to look down and see my feet.  With that being said, it was gym time.

Tonight I went to “Step aerobics plus abs”. I’ve done step a few times in the past, but I’m still fairly novice at it. I know most of the phrases- basic step, V step, knee lift, etc. I can handle those as long as the combos are repeated a few times. There’s a delay between knowing what to do and getting my body to do it.

The classes aren’t broken down into levels. Go to whatever class you want, whenever you want. And tonight, I must have stumbled into the expert level because this class kicked my butt.  It wasn’t hard. Well, it might have been hard, but I never got to that point because I couldn’t keep up.

The instructor (a tiny creature with a great body. I hate her.) would use these phrases that I’ve never heard of. “L step around the base”, “Superman corners”, and  my favorite “knees up herelw fwehihrrmmennreem”

And while I was trying to do my “over the top straddle down L-step repeat combo”, she and the rest of the Stepford Steppers had already moved on to their “lunge over repeat grape vine reverse”. (Perfectly in sync, mind you.)

What’s worse….they were smirking! Or grimacing. I don’t know. I do know that in the beginning of the class, the people next to me clearly thought I knew what I was doing because when I messed up, it moved down the row like a spazzy wave at a baseball game. They soon learned to do the opposite of whatever I was doing (which was usually standing on top of my step waiting for them to do something that I could follow). It’s okay, all those women were wearing Spandex and had the bodies to do so. I hate them too.

The end of my step class career occurred when I was trying to do an “A step reverse Superman” and stepped off the corner and landed, ever so gracefully, flat on my face.

Point me in the direction of geriatric water therapy, please.

They Looked Like This

And Then There Was Me…

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