Who Needs Sleep?

Do you remember that song? Anyone? Anyone?  I’ll hum a few bars- visually:

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

Those spinners of the language, Barenaked Ladies, came up with that one back in 1998. Now, personally, I think BNL were geniuses, but that’s neither here nor there.

They wrote it in 1998. NINETY EIGHT. Half of my life ago, this song hit the radio.

So time warp back: Ninety eight:

  • Harry Potter survived his first year at Hogwarts and won’t be seen in the first movie for three more years.  (Only a year of H.P- bleak times indeed, my friend)
  • Pres Clinton was…well, he was doing what he was doing with whom, and what, he was doing it with.
  • Europe busts out the Euro, but we counter with getting those funky new $20s that look like cartoon cash.
  • That famous lil’ blue pill came out…as did all the jokes.
  • Titanic.
  • Spice Girls, Alanis Morissette, The Nanny, and X-Files.


Okay, so you remember 1998. Me too.

Why is this significant?

Because when I can’t sleep, all I can hear in my head is a song that hit big thirteen years ago!  Why can’t I sleep? Because I hear a song that was popular when I was in eighth grade.

So in my recent insomnia, as I nod away to the tunes of the aforementioned song, I imagine all sorts of things in my head. Needless to say, I need the power to defrag my mind. With a bit more space, I wouldn’t sing songs that are a decade old and would probably drift off quicker.

They say (you know, the all powerful ‘they’ who maintain the force to cause folks to believe anything since there was obviously a panel of ‘thems’ who have more knowledge than we.), that the average person takes seven minutes to fall asleep.

Seven minutes.

I can assure you that a seven minute voyage to my slumber party does not occur. So in my transition from awake to snooze, I imagine all sorts of things.

Thus is the basis of my problem, in reality. My brain gets going like a whirligig and I can’t chill it out enough to drift off.

So, allow me to share some of the scenarios that went through my brain (before having the genius idea that writing would tire me out. Albeit this won’t be award winning… I’m still wide awake and ready to start my day… at 2:00am.)…

1. The Heroine Chronicle

Someone enters my classroom with a knife (should be a gun, but guns are way too scary for me and have potential to hurt someone. Even in my mind, I don’t want anyone getting hurt), and I immediately have a plan. I gracefully glide toward the assailant- and ultimately take him down in an exchange of quick reflexes and physical prowess, reassure the class (whilst holding the foe to the floor), and gallantly walk away with only one wound which will surely heal into an awesomely wicked scar.

Um… I’ve never done a graceful thing in my life and my physical prowess is limited to my ability to walk and possibly think about chewing gum at the same time. I’ll just keep the door locked.

2. Wedding Woes

At around  1am, I received an email from my friendly wedding website anxiety inducers, informing me that the wedding is in 4 mos & 4 days and that I’m severely behind schedule. The email then judged me. Sure, it didn’t announce its judgement, but I knew it was there.

And things went downhill after that.  Oh you slippery slope! It all became a blur of tulle and jordan almonds. Even as I reflect now, I feel as though a thousand bridesmaid dresses (all different colors by minuscule degrees) are marching towards me, ready to drag me down to the depths of Hades where all other unprepared brides have met their demise.

3. The What If Tango

Oh, is there any more powerful pair of words? What. If.  Each night, I fall into a slow tango of what ifs. We twist and turn over each event (perceived or real) and the consequences of these moments. What if I upset my buddy by not going to a summer teaching inservice? What if I finally told a quasi-friend to kick rocks? What if my hair falls out? What if someone breaks in and I end up being portrayed on a t.v show by someone really homely? What if coffee really is bad for me and The Fiance never lets me forget it? What if … what if.. what if. I can find the most asinine combo of what if & result- a dangerous pair that can leave me awake for hours…heading down a tangent of absurdity (Which The Fiance promptly fixes/ nullifies/ or laughs away once morning comes ’round).

Of course, the list marches on.

So for now, I shall return to bed and…

Who Nees Sleep?



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