Letters Never Sent

Recently, The Fiance & I vacationed in Florida. My younger niece graduated from high school (with honors {this is my overly proud aunt moment}), so we made sure to get there to see that.  Afterward, The Fiance and I traveled to Orlando because it was imperative that I see Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Over the five days, there were many times in wish I could write a letter to people that I interacted with.  Perhaps a letter would have cleared up an awkward situation or remedied another’s poor choice in behavior.  Allow me to share some such letters:


Dear Rather Rotund Man Sitting Next to Me in the Model Airplane We Flew In,

I apologize for grabbing your upper thigh. It was not my intention, I assure you. In fact, I tried to give you as  much space as possible, as I know we do not get to choose small, medium, or large when it comes to airplane seats.  Be that as it may, when it came time to bring my seat back forward… I misjudged the location of the armrest button and certainly gave your gam a good, ol’ tweak. Whoops!

Thank you for not looking at me, as I assure you I wanted to crawl under my seat cushion/floatation device and stay there. Also, I want to apologize for repeatedly baring down my weight on the arm rest, whilst trying to shift my body. I didn’t realize your leg was wedged under there. I bet that hurt.


Awkward Girl Sitting Next to You


Dear Woman in Tiny Aqua Blue Tube Top Dress at Your Child’s Graduation Ceremony,

Come on. Not okay. Nine inch heels? C’mon- this isn’t Wal Mart. You can’t wear things like that! I can see the bottom of your rumps. I can see the three rolls of fat that surround your stomach…perhaps your pre-stomach, stomach, and post-stomach. Bad parent, bad!


Girl Dressed Like a Puritan Next to You


Dear Man Who Mocked Me at H.P World Because I Was Excited That the Stuffed Scabbers at the Store was Missing a Toe,

Furnunculus (you know..it’s the curse that causes large boils to break out all over your body.)   You obviously never read the Harry Potter books otherwise you wouldn’t sneer and say, “gee that’s important.” I’m sure your kids are having a great day with you. You should have stayed home and scowled at the neighborhood children as they laugh and play…maybe mock your wife or something. We don’t want you here in this magical place. Go read a book, philistine.


Wide-Eyed Adult in the Gift Shop Oohing and Ahhing Over Her Surroundings



Of course, there were many more, but one can only write so many internal letters whilst on vacation.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Letters Never Sent

  1. mom says:

    Oh my gosh, I looovvvee these letters.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *