Imaginary Conversations

“And don’t make me get out of this car and show you what ‘good manners’ looks like!” I threaten as I shoot him my most menacing look.

In reality, I have spectacular conversations in my head.  I stand up for myself. I’m assertive. Cool, calm, and powerful. I tell them how it should be.

My latest imaginary conversation was with a woman who had perfectly coiffed hair and an overly priced SUV.  On my commute home, I have to turn right near our house.  This lane becomes congested during rush hour and causes a fairly long line. 

Each day, as I sit and wait, I see cars that pull out of the right lane, move to the front via the left lane and then wedge themselves back into the right lane near the intersection.

I will remind you of a kindergarten law that I know stands true today.

No cutsies.

And so I spend my time edging carefully forward so as to avoid leaving enough space for a car to weasel in. I pull close to the line so they can’t do that move-my-front-end-in-make-you-let-me-go-ahead-of-you trick.

But my favorite time is when I’m a few cars beforethe light and I see a driver pull up next to me in an attempt to wiggle into a better spot. And I slowly, deliberately look over at her, ever so cooly take off my sunglasses, and with power in my voice, I tell her, “Your time is not more important than mine. I did the respectable thing and waited my turn. You think you deserve to be before me? You deserve nothing. Now you take that sorry excuse for a status symbol, turn left and think about what a waste of a person you truly are.”

In reality, I keep my head straight and imagine all the things I would say, if I were tougher and lived in a state that didn’t allow handguns.

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One Response to Imaginary Conversations

  1. Mark says:

    Welcome to my world. I believe the thing that happens to me the most in my semi is they pass me, and just as they clear my front end they cut across in front of me and get off on an exit. I think it makes me mad cause it scares the crap out of me!

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