I really want you to know about a guy who lives in our neighborhood. Usually I try not to judge…but this guy. Wowza!
Alright, I want you to visualize this guy. Close your eyes.
Did you really close your eyes? Eeesh.
So the last time I saw him, he was wearing pleather M. C. Hammer pants and a bright yellow polka dot shirt.
You guys remember Hammer pants, right? Think back to that dismal part of the 90s. You’ve probably blocked it from your mind. Perhaps your idiot son had the pajama-like pants. My brother did. Perhaps your child wanted to get that buzz mark in the side of his head; that line that looked like the barber sneezed while cutting hair. Triggering memories? Sorry.
Okay, getting back to our neighbor. He was wearing that outfit and was hunched over scrubbing the curb with a toothbrush. As he mumbled to himself, he scrubbed clean the curb by his house, then began clipping the grass with safety scissors.
His house is covered with signs that says it’s under surveillance, which is fine and dandy… but nine signs is overkill.
He also has a hoard of alley cats that hang about his house. Now, since I believe that cats tend to be the embodiment of evil, surrounded in fur…. I’m not surprised that there’s a clan of them surrounding his land. They hang out in the sewers and pop out when the cars drive past. That’s not unnerving at all.
My favorite part? When you drive by, he stands up and watches you go. Anyone ever see The Burbs? Of course, I know he can’t be keeping bodies in the basement. Texas doesn’t have ’em. But I certainly won’t be climbing into his attic anytime soon.
On a side note, I came home to find a large orange & white creature of evil cat curled up on our doorstep. Obviously it was sent as a signal from Creepo down the street. As I walked closer, the cat stood up, stared me down and posted itself near the garage. I would say that’s an ominous sign. Horsehead anyone?